Also, if you did not realize how the abuse had hurt you (for example, how it had affected you psychologically) until recently, you may still have time.

If you would like to demand compensation for abuse, contact a lawyer as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more likely your claim will expire before you make it. I think someone I love is an abuser
and needs help. Should I call the police about him/her? This can be a very tough question. You don't want to allow someone to be abused because you kept quiet, but you also don't want to hurt your loved one unnecessarily. Here are some things to consider.

The police are in the business of investigating crime and helping prosecutors get criminals punished. Some police want perpetrators to get help with whatever problems drive them to crime, but that isn't their main goal. Punishment is.

So beware of any police officer who acts or talks as if he wants to know about your loved one's problem because he wants to help him or her. That may be a line to reel you in.

Don't assume any promises the police make ("If he's willing to go into treatment, we'll see that he doesn't go to jail") can be enforced. Consult with a lawyer about such promises.

And going to jail or prison isn't the only penalty your loved one may suffer when the police become involved. Most sex offenders are required to register with the government after they've served their time. In the Information Age, it may soon be nearly impossible for a person with a sex offense conviction to keep that from following him and his family, in one way or another, forever.

Other than the police, who might intervene with your loved one to protect the public-- and his own family? Is he willing to start a rigorous treatment program and to have his life closely monitored?

You may want to consult with a treatment counselor about your perceptions of the risk and about the prospects for protecting the innocent without police intervention. (In Washington state, certified sex offender treatment providers have much more insight into problems of sexual deviancy than most other counselors have.)

WARNING: Many of the people with whom you might want to consult-- doctors, social workers, teachers, and yes, certified sex offender treatment providers-- are mandated reporters of child abuse. In other words, if one of them learns of child abuse that is not yet known to the police or child protection authorities, he or she must, by law, report it. So your asking such a person for advice can directly lead to police involvement.

Because of this, consider consulting first with a lawyer who knows this area of the law or is willing to take time to learn it. A lawyer like that can help you decide what to do, or at least can help you decide how and where to get other expert advice without your comments getting passed on against your wishes. Lawyers are not mandated reporters of child abuse; on the contrary, they are obliged to keep their consultations confidential.

If your loved one is younger than 18 and seems to suffer from sexual deviance, consider the benefits to him of pressing him to deal with it right away: 1) his deviance could become more deep-seated and difficult to control if allowed to fester into adulthood, and 2) if prosecution and conviction do result, the consequences, though very serious, are less severe in juvenile court. (But not all juvenile sex offenses are prosecuted in juvenile court. See a lawyer for details.) I suspect someone is abusing my child. What should I do? The first thing to do, of course, is to keep that person away from your child until you look into things.

Resist the natural temptation to question your child. Even trained professionals find it very difficult to question a child about possible abuse without asking suggestive questions. The younger the child, the greater the risk the child's answers will be influenced by suggestive questions.

If your suspicion is quite strong, you should report it immediately to someone with the power to investigate it and protect your child, probably the police or your state's child protection agency.

If your suspicion is weak, you may want to discuss it first with someone who knows your child and can help you evaluate it-- a relative, teacher, counselor, minister, doctor, etc. You may want to take your child to a professional, such as a child psychologist, who can interview your child carefully about your suspicions.